Good Enough
by Mika Uriah
Summary: "it's like...Why do I bother? Why can't I just be good enough? Why can't someone just look at me and be like 'Kate, I love you for you. I love you completely and totally you and wouldn't change anything.' Why can't I be good enough?" she started to shake.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
>AN: one of those ideas that popped into my head and wouldn't leave until I wrote it down.**

**Helen Magnus walked down the stairs of the living quarters of the Sanctuary, early one Sunday morning hoping to get a good breakfast before the early business of the rest of the day set in, if not a good breakfast than at least a decent cup of tea. **

** Helen was half way down the stair case when she found Kate Freelander unconscious at the bottom of the stairs, Helen frowned and raced to the bottom of the stairs to her friend's side and tapped her face gently "Kate? Kate?" she tapped her face again, genuine concern marred the face of the British born brunette. **

** Kate groaned slightly and started to wake just as Helen was getting ready to check for a pulse, "hmm…Hey boss, what happened?" **

** Helen smiled softly despite the situation "you took the words right out of my mouth."**

** "Did I pass out again?" she was still on the floor.**

** Helen frowned "again? Why didn't I know of this?" **

** "I…" Kate closed her eyes again, "never mind" A woman like Helen wouldn't understand. **

** Helen nodded there was no pressure to talk, if Kate wanted to talk she was here and Kate knew it, it was hard to be a woman in this house sometimes with all the testosterone "okay, let's get you upstairs, hmm? You're probably just exhausted from all the travelling" Three time zones in two days would do that too you, Helen knew it was something else but she wasn't going to get into it if Kate didn't want to. **

** Helen helped Kate up the stairs and back to her bedroom, the girls don't talk until Helen helped Kate into her bed and felt her forehead "you don't have a fever, how are you feeling?" **

** The younger woman shrugged and reminded Helen of Ashley when she didn't want to admit to anything especially when something was wrong "fine. I guess." She played with the edge of the quilt.**

**"Do you need anything? Want anything?"**

** "I don't want to bother you." **

** Magnus sat on the edge of the bed briefly "you aren't bothering me, please? I want to help you." **

** "Some water maybe? I know your busy its okay, thanks." She went to get up and get it herself when her knees went weak.**

**Helen barely caught her and laid her back down in the bed "okay, whoa! Rest. Please Kate?"**

**Kate nodded and swallowed.**

** "Okay I'll be right back." She promised and turned on her heel to leave  
><strong> 

** The 25 year old bit her lip "I gained weight," she said so suddenly that Kate wasn't even aware that she spoke.**

**Helen looked back to Kate and raised an eyebrow "repeat that?"**

**"I…I gained weight, 3 pounds." She bowed her head "I'm really sorry. I totally understand if you want to take me off the mission list until I lose it" **

** Helen was going to laugh until she realized how serious Kate was, Helen never noticed a weight gain and even if she did it wouldn't have been anything to be worried about, "you're beautiful Kate, you don't need to be worried about anything like that."**

**"You're being nice, I've really let myself go, and I can't keep it under control," she gave Helen a notebook from her bed side table, in it was every work out regiment, everything she ate and all of her weight gains and losses since she was fifteen. People in third world countries ate more than she did some weeks. **

** Between dance classes and fighting classes and missions and the gym, all Kate did was work out and keep fit, Helen never said anything because everyone had their own little idiosyncrasies and hobbies they did on their downtime. Helen's for example was always work, work, work. "Can't keep what under control? Tell me. Please?" Helen half begged.**

**"Everything." Kate suddenly spilled out "I'm never good enough, I'm not tall enough, I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not religious enough, I don't speak enough languages." She wiped her face "I'm not Indian enough, so I "act" white, than I'm not white enough. I'm not girly enough, I'm not tough enough." Tears started streaming down the more she talked "I'm not quiet enough. I'm too dark, not smart enough, I study and I study and I fail. I'm not rich enough, not poor enough, and not fast enough. " she coughed "it's like…The weight was the only thing I could control and even that's a losing battle." She wiped her face "it's like...Why do I bother? Why can't I just be good enough? Why can't someone just look at me and be like 'Kate, I love you for you. I love you completely and totally you and wouldn't change anything.' Why can't I be good enough?" she started to shake.**

**Helen engulfed the younger woman in a hug, she had no idea that she thought about those things, she had no idea that Kate thought that she wasn't good enough. How little did she know about her employees that a red flag didn't pop up? "Katie, honey, you're more than beautiful. You're more than perfect. You're intelligent, gorgeous, and no one is perfect at being everything, but to be quite frank you're damn good at being Kate Freelander and there are plenty of people on this planet who think that that's pretty good." **

**By this point Helen was on the bed with her back against the headrest, Kate's head on her shoulder, Helen found herself brushing her hair with her fingers, "are you one of them?" Kate asked quietly "please don't lie, just tell me honestly."**

**"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it, I know that saying what I said isn't going to cure all, but believe me when I say, that I am here for you, Katie, we all are. All right? Please?"**

"**I…I don't want to be like this anymore, I want to be able to look in the mirror and like me for who I am. I want to be able to like me for me. Love me...I want to accept that I am good enough." She wiped her face "God I sound like an after school special." **

"**There's nothing wrong with that, this has been a long time coming for you according to the book you just gave me. It's going to be a lot of work, Katie, and I have no idea where to start. But I'd love to help you if you let me, we can get you professional help." **

**Kate thought about it for a minute "I can't..."**

"**Don't worry about it financially. The only thing you have to worry about is getting better. To not rely on this anymore." She played with the notebook on the other side of the bed "deal? You just have to worry about Kate." **

**Kate nodded "I...yeah" she nodded again and wiped her face "I'm sorry about all of this. Thank you though, for not freaking out or anything." **

**Helen nodded and kissed her hair motherly "I am right here, I'm not going anywhere," Helen made good on that promise, and didn't go anywhere from Kate's room for the rest of the day; the girls caught up, laughed, talked, cried and for the rest of that Sunday. It was good enough.**


End file.
